I will survive!

At first I was afraid, I was petrified. Just thinking I could never live without you by my side. But then I spent so many nights, just thinking how you did me wrong; and I grew strong. And I learned learned how to get along......Oh now go, walk out the door. Just turn around now; cuz you're not welcome anymore!! Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with your lies? Did you think I'd tumble? Did you think I'd lay down and die? Oh no not I!! I will survive.....I've got all my life to live, and I've got all my love to give. And I'll survive; I will survive! Hey Hey! (dancing around the room)

I didn't forget the words, lol! Anyone who knows me knows that I could sing that song in my sleep; but I didn't want my entire blog to be the song, so I had to stop there. Now by now you are probably wondering what I am singing about this time. Last week it was chocolate, then then there were the odes to my workout, Insanity. Now, I'm singing about my beloved Doritos. That's right ppl. If there were ever a potato chip that I thought I couldn't live without, it would be the crispy, crunchy, cheesy Doritos. Not the knock offs, the generic brand, but the big boys. I am proud to say that I have not had in in such a long time, that I don't really remember the last time that I ate them! I wish that I could tell you it was because I am eating so healthy that I don't have the desire for them at all. Sadly that is not the case. It's as simple as this: I don't liked the baked version. Sorry, I'm not as deep and wonderful as you thought. I simply made the decision to only eat baked chips, and the baked Doritos are gross!! I love the baked Cheetos, crunchy or puffed; but there not the same as my beloved Doritos.

Now all this talk about food has got to be making you look at me, or the computer screen, sideways. I know what you're thinking....or at least I'd like to believe so. You're wondering what this has to do with anything. Well I promise I am getting to my point.

Part of my decision was based on my goal to fit into my magical dress on April 17th. Well, on the 17th I forgot to try the dress on. But here comes the best part.....I tried it on on the 18th and

IT FIT!!!!!

It fit so well that and decided to try on all of the dresses that I had been hiding in the back of my closet and

THEY ALL FIT!!!

It's now official; my new dress size is a 10!! I worked so hard to get to this point, and I am soooo proud of myself. I would be remiss if I did not thank God for giving me the strength to get through and for placing all of the gifts on the inside of me that I would need to get the job done. For example, all that time I thought my stubbornness was a bad thing, but I have now learned to use my powers for good and not evil and look where it got me!! I have to thank my husband, Maurice, for his unconditional and unyielding support. I have to thank my dad; just by reading my blog and commenting on it I am able to feel your support and that to me is priceless. Thanks to my buddy, Karen, for giving me accountability to someone other than myself. Thanks for having me write my goals out plainly, and for making me email them to you so I couldn't change them later, lol.


I feel like I look like a million bucks. As soon as my personal photographer get on it, I will have a picture to post to update everyone.

I'm almost there everyone. 13lbs down, 37lbs to go. Now it's time to get to thinking about a new short term goal. I'm still open to suggestions!

If loving you is wrong.....I don't wanna be right!!

That is the story of my love affair with none other than........chocolate! Something about the smooth creamy taste, the way it melts in my mouth, the way it satisfies me like no other food I know. It is for this reason that I am writing this entry. For all of my fellow chocolate lovers out there, let me introduce you to my new best friend, Skinny Cow! I love Skinny Cow; she and I are a match made in heaven. Packed with fiber, low in fat, and easy on the calories; Skinny Cow and I will be friends for a long time to come. I can see her in pictures from birthday parties and family events and celebrations. She and I are a match made in heaven: chocolate heaven that is.

I don't have any weight loss updates for this post; I don't weigh in until Thursday. I REFUSE to buy a scale to keep at home. I know already that it will only be the source of agony and stress. This post is mostly a chronicle of my eating...the good, the bad, and the ugly. I have been doing a good job of eating healthy; I have even made healthy choices while eating out of the home, which most ppl know can be a nightmare when you are trying to accurately keep track of what you intake. I have also overcome one of my biggest struggles: emotional eating. I know and recognize that I eat mindlessly, yes mindlessly...you know when you just want something to snack on or you put something in your mouth even if you're not hungry; it could be just because you know it will taste good. Or it could be how you have to eat while you watch a movie, or if you're like me it could be that you "taste" everything before you give it to your children. My how all that "tasting" adds up so quickly!

Anyway, back to my point, the mindless eating. Well I do this mostly when I have some sort of emotional upset: be it disappointment, sadness, loneliness, or frustration, I tend to eat when those situations arise. Well this week.....I didn't. It's just that simple. NOT!! No one kicks a habit overnight, but I did learn how to better control it. I have stopped and literally asked myself, "why do you want to eat this?" If I am not satisfied with my answer, or if I don't really have one, I know that I don't need to eat it. Also, I have started keeping better things around for those moments where I don't feel like asking myself any questions, and if I did "myself" probably wouldn't like my answer! These things include reduced fat popcorn (which is surprisingly good), baked chips, peanuts, jello, yogurt...you get the point. No more Doritos and chocolate pudding (Although I did find a great pudding for not nearly as many calories!).

And best of all, I found Skinny Cow. For those of you who don't know Skinny Cow is a brand of delicious frozen treats made from skim milk. There is minimal sweetener (NO ASPARTAME!!) and plenty of variety. She makes ice cream, ice cream sandwiches, and much more. Okay, enough of my plugs and free advertisement. But seriously, if you are a lover of all things chocolate and "ice creamy" you will definitely benefit from a relationship with Skinny Cow. I buy mine at Walmart, but I am sure she is sold at most grocery food chains as well.

One last update...I have OFFICIALLY dropped 2 dress sizes!! It is possible that it is 4, but I am not going to try on the other dress until Saturday. I have a goal date that I am sticking to, and I don't want to do anything to make me feel discouraged! I hope that in some way this window into my world has inspired you, informed you, or at least made you laugh out loud!

Until next time........

Her name is not Susan.....It's Ashley

So I'm not exactly sure if I have said this before, but I LOVE the fact that there is a girl in all of the Insanity Month 2 videos named Ashley. It's so motivating, especially when I feel like quitting and I hear Shaun T. say "Come on Ashley. You can do it!" It's like he's speaking straight to me! I can't help but to push harder and dig deeper.

Today's workout was killer. It was like Pure Cardio on steroids. I'm not kidding. But I made it through, and I am so happy that I did. I now feel like I can conquer the world...the Insanity World that is. I'm getting back on the scale on Thursday, and I am expecting great results. On a random note, I cooked stuffed chicken breasts, Julienne potatoes, and fresh green beans for dinner. It was AWESOME!! Who knew that eating healthy could be so good?!!?

Now it's time to set a goal, a short-term goal. I have a long-term goal; 50lbs in 50 weeks, remember? Now I just have to set short goals to help me get there. I will be thinking about that for the next few days. I guess I should hurry up, though. I would like to set a goal that I can reach by May 1st. Any suggestions??

Until next time........

The Ides of March...well the last couple of weeks anyway

So I have lost a grand total of....8.4 lbs!! That's right. I lost 4 pounds this past week, from Monday to Monday. Not bad, if I don't say so myself. I must admit that I have not been on the Insanity wagon as often as I once was. I think that only losing 2lbs in over 30 days was a bit discouraging. I am planning to get back at it, and hit it hard in the coming days. I figure that the extra activity plus the eating 10x better than I used to ought to make a HUGE difference. So, that's my update for now.

Oh wait, I forgot to mention that I have been going to the track behind my school since the weather has gotten so much better. Trying to relive my old glory days....or at least be able to walk a 20-minute mile. I'll take that =)

Until next time.........

Insanity Month 2

Month 2 is definitely no joke!! The workouts are longer...they go from about 40-45 min in the 1st month to 55-65 min in the 2nd month. The exercises are harder; in one workout, Shaun T actually states in the beginning "this workout is going to kick your butt". He was not lying!! I felt great afterwards, though, surprisingly.

Changing my eating habits has definitely made a huge difference in my energy levels. I have been consuming about 600-1000 calories less than I normally would. It seems like a lot, but I am still eating at least 2000 calories per day. When you think about it that way, it really shows how much I had been eating. For so long I have eaten whatever I wanted; I have been so active it did not matter. But over the past 3 years, all that has changed. My activity has to be purposeful, and most of all scheduled and planned. I have learned that I must have a plan in order for anything to be accomplished in my life.

I have also learned that if you allow the Holy Spirit to breathe life into your situation, it can be changed. I was so down about not being able to lose weight; i felt like a failure. That was before I realized that I needed to change more about what I was doing. Saying "I want to lose weight" is not enough to make it happened. So I started working out, but I did not change my eating habits at all. That didn't really produce the results that I was looking for. In fact, I believe that I may have gained a pound or two because I felt like working out gave me a license to eat whatever I wanted! After losing a disappointing 2 pounds, I fell into a mini-funk. It wasn't a depression, just a funk. Then I remembered an AWESOME Word that was preached at my church by Shelbi Pullen. I went back over my notes, and I knew what I had to do. The word tells us in Ezekiel 37:9 to prophecy to our situation and to speak life into it. More importantly, to speak the the breath, which is the Holy Spirit, to breathe on that situation that you think is dead. (I'll stop here; if you want more, you'll have to order the DVD)

To make a long story a bit shorter, I began to speak the Word of God over my situation; then I planned and prepared for Him to show up. I kept working out, but I started eating better....laying off the junk (You all know what junk food is, and NOT just potato chips!) Then, would you look at God, I stepped on the scale, and in 1 week I lost....... 4 1/2 pounds!!!

I have been re-energized; I have a plan in place. God is moving and breathing on my situation and it is changing. I hope that in some way, my journey and my testimony can help you in yours.

Until next time.................

Guess who Bizz-ack?!

It's me again. I must admit that since my last entry I have faced a massive amount of discouragement that at times seemed insurmountable. However, I have come out on the other side; I am better for it. I promised you numbers, so here goes......

I have lost a grand total of 2lbs!

That's right ppl, I said 2. You would think that I would rejoice in losing 2lbs, but so far that has not been the case. I have never weighed this much before. My father and my husband told me it's because the work out is building up my muscle, and muscle weighs more than fat. (Shouts go out to T-Pain whose encouragement helped me not cry about it one night!)

While that is true, it still feels like I am making an excuse. So today, I took the first step towards changing that. I need to learn how to eat better, how to control my portions, and most importantly how to transition that into a lifestyle change and not just another diet. Funny how I say that like I have EVER been on a diet before. I honestly have never, primarily because I have never had a need for it. It's for that very reason that I eat so poorly; it's never mattered before. I am not going to say what program I may or may not be using; I have already given Shaun T and Insanity enough free publicity. I promise to reveal my secrets at the end, when it works. Notice that I said "when" and not "if". I have purposed it in my mind that it will work. It is my confession of faith, and I have put action behind my words. I am set to do my measurements on Saturday, so I will have a new report then. In the meantime, I will stay encouraged and focused on the plan. I have also set smaller goals to help me reach the bigger goal so that I won't feel so far behind. New short term goal is 10 lbs in 3 weeks. Here goes....

1 more shout out, to a very dear friend of mine who wishes to remain nameless. They have embarked on a lifestyle change that began in January, AND kept going through the discouraging times where the numbers on the scale don't line up with the effort being put forth. They persevered, and lost 25 pounds!! Hats off to you sweetheart. You have been a tremendous inspiration, and I am rooting for you all the way!!

Hello...Is it me you're looking for?

I love and hate that song, but I thought it would be an appropriate title for this entry. I want you to know that I definitely DID NOT fall off the wagon again. I have been going strong, I just have not been able to find time to blog. With school, kids, school, grades, and more school there just has not been enough time. I am happy to report that I am almost completely finished with my first month. Only 3 more workouts. We all know what that means....it will be time for me to brave the scale again. No more excuses right?! LOL I am thinking of making a doctor's appointment so that my weight will be more accurate. I refuse to buy a scale from Walmart, even though it seems they call my name whenever I am in the store. Maybe I will go to Bed Bath and Beyond and see if they have better scales available. I need something that is going to be reliable.

The workouts have been going great. For one while, I was waking up at 5:30am to workout before work. While those days were great, they don't seem to have lasted very long. I kept feeling condemned; like I could hear something saying "You can wake up early to work out but not to pray?" After beating myself about it, I finally came out of the condemnation. I still have not started the early workouts again, but I know that God is not upset nor disappointed with me. I do know that can do whatever is important to you; whatever you set you mind to do. You just have to set your mind on the good things! That's the hard part, lol!

My adventures will continue, and I promise I will do a better job of keeping you updated.

Until next time......